


Our Future's Certain, I Won't Let It Fade Away

by ReasonToSmile



Series: This Nightmares Always Hang On Past The Dream [2]
Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Coming Out, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Sequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-21
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-09-01 09:07:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8618227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReasonToSmile/pseuds/ReasonToSmile
Summary: "Lukas nodded, biting his lip, and extended his arm towards Philip, hand wide open. Philip took it without hesitation, interlocking their fingers, and squeezed tightly. It was starting to get familiar, with all the handholding they had done that day. Not that Lukas was going to complain, though. He would take all the support he could get."Lukas is now ready to talk about what happened at the cabin, and if that means telling other people about Philip, well, it had to happen sooner or later. At least he's not alone.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A sequel for my fic [These Nightmares Always Hang On Past The Dream](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8581564). For all the coming out bliss that we're lacking in canon.
> 
> To keep up with the Panic! At The Disco lyrics, this title comes from " _Golden Days_ ".
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

They drove back to the sheriff's office in complete silence. Lukas kept fidgeting, legs moving restlessly while he bit his lip. When they reached their destination, Helen and Gabe got out first. Lukas was paralysed. Philip stayed inside the car, hoping he could do something to reassure the other boy.

He couldn't though, so he stayed quiet.

After a few minutes in which neither boy moved, Lukas cleared his throat and caught Philip's eyes with his.

"I'm ready."

Philip offered him the most comforting smile he could muster. They walked together towards the office, close but not touching.

Helen and Gabe were waiting for them inside. As soon as they entered, Helen put his good cop face on and said, "Philip, why don't you and Gabe go to the diner next door and get some coffee while Lukas and I talk?"

" _No_ ," Lukas said, too forcefully, too desperately. He gripped Philip's sleeve, keeping him in place. "I need him here."

"Lukas, no matter what you've told Philip, this is confidential, he can't—"

"He was there too!" Lukas said, raising his voice above Helen's.

She felt silent then, eyes between the two boys with a puzzled look. Philip nodded in assertion.

"Okay then," Helen said, recovering quickly. "Sit down."

Lukas pulled Philip's sleeve and dragged him towards the bench. They sat together, closer than they would have a few days ago. Philip tried to keep some distance between them, in case Lukas was uncomfortable with the proximity, but the blonde ignored his efforts and scooted closer until their legs touched. He needed the comfort, Philip supposed. He had yet to explain what they were doing at the cabin, and Philip was not sure Lukas was ready to tell the complete truth.

"What were you doing at the cabin?" Helen asked, as if reading Philip's mind.

"We were filming some footage for my channel. Philip's great with the camera," Lukas answered, turning to smile at the boy. "We were close to the cabin, so we headed there after to hang out. We were… Fuck. Philip?" He looked panicked, eyes wide open and lips thin, as if asking for help.

"It's okay, Lukas," Philip whispered, having already expected this outcome.

"No, not that. You know I'm not good with words."

And that did surprise Philip. Lukas wasn't backing down, he just had trouble with finding the words. _I never know what to say_ , he had once told him. Philip grinned, resting his hand on Lukas' leg lightly and turning to Helen.

"We've been seeing each other," he said simply, and he heard Lukas sigh in relief.

For all of Lukas' nervousness, Gabe and Helen barely even flinched. They had most likely thought of the possibility before, when Philip and Lukas had holed themselves up in Lukas' house. Helen continued with her questions.

"What happened then?"

"A car arrived. We thought it was Lukas's dad, so I hid under the bed and Lukas went into the closet." He smiled at Lukas jokingly, pointing out the irony, and Lukas answered with a playful elbow to his stomach. "I couldn't really see much after that."

"There were four guys," Lukas took over. "One of them was tied up, and the others were all screaming. Suddenly, the first wasn't tied up anymore, he had a gun and he shot them."

"One of them was FBI. He said so before he got shot," Philip added, remembering the panic in the voice of the man.

"Then he saw Philip," Lukas continued, and his voice rose a few octaves. Philip squeezed his leg, reminding Lukas that he was there, he was alive and they were safe. "I—I thought he was gonna kill him. So I grabbed a pan and kicked him in the head. We picked up his gun and run away."

Once the tale was over, Lukas deflated and leaned back in the bench, looking like a rag doll. Philip patted his leg again, and Lukas took his hand and intertwined their fingers.

"Would you be able to recognise the murderer?" Helen asked.

"Yeah," Philip assured.

Helen got up and retrieved a paper from her desk, then offered it to Philip. It was a photo of a man in his early forties, with curly hair and a menacing look.

"Is that him?"

"No. It was—He was younger, tall, brown hair. He looked crazed," Philip described. "I saw him in town a few days later—I thought he'd recognise me, but he wasn't looking for me. I think he killed Tommy and Tracy, too. I lent Tommy the jacket I was wearing that night," Philip admitted, feeling guilty. "I told you they weren't users."

It was Lukas' turn to comfort Philip. Summoning courage, he circled Philip's shoulders with his arm and pushed him towards himself. Philip laid his head in his boyfriends shoulder while Helen took notes of what they had told her. At last, she raised her head and set her eyes on Lukas.

"We are going to have to tell your father about your involvement in the case. I can talk to him, or you can come with me, you choose. We only have to tell him the basics, nothing more than you're ready for," she explained.

"No, I, I should tell him everything. It's time."

* * *

They drove back to the Waldenbeck household, Gabe on the wheel with Helen next to him, boys sitting together in the back. They were leaning towards each other, talking quietly so that Philip's foster parents wouldn't hear.

"Have you ever talked to your dad about homosexuality anyway?"

"Not really."

"Then how do you know how he'd react? He might be okay with it."

Lukas shrugged. "I doesn't want me to be that guy. He wants me to be normal."

"You _are_ normal," Philip insisted. " _This_ , what we have, is normal. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise."

Lukas nodded, biting his lip, and extended his arm towards Philip, hand wide open. Philip took it without hesitation, interlocking their fingers, and squeezed tightly. It was starting to get familiar, with all the handholding they had done that day. Not that Lukas was going to complain. He would take all the support he could get.

Their hands stayed locked for the rest of the trip. Once Lukas' house was in sight, he dropped Philip's hand like it burned. Philip grimaced but didn't comment on it. Lukas was nervous. It didn't mean he was going to back down. And even if it did, he had done a lot of good for the day. He couldn't blame him for not being ready to come out to his father.

Bo's pickup truck was in the driveway, meaning Lukas' father was already home. Philip touched Lukas' shoulder gently, gaining his attention.

"Do you want me to go in with you or should I stay here?"

Lukas took a few breaths, eyes darting between Philip and his house.

"Come with me," he decided. "I don't know if I can do this on my own."

"Well, Helen is going in with you too," Philip corrected him. "You know, to explain what happened. And you don't have to do anything you're not ready for." He cupped Lukas' neck with his hands, forcing him to look at Philip and keeping him in place. "Hey," he added, "I'm so proud of you. You know that, right?"

Lukas nodded. Philip closed the distance between their lips and gave Lukas a sweet, tender kiss, full of admiration and love. Lukas melted against Philip, hands gripping his arms and body leaning into the middle seat.

Someone cleared their throat, causing both boys to jump apart, cheeks red in embarrassment. With one last look at Philip, Lukas got out of the car and started walking towards his home. Philip followed swiftly. Helen and Gabe shared a look from the front seats before she got out to join the teenagers into the house.

"Son, is that you?" They heard Bo yell from the kitchen.

"Yeah," Lukas answered back, walking towards him.

Bo was sat at the kitchen table, drinking coffee and reading the paper. He froze momentarily when he saw the two unexpected guests.

"Good evening, Mr Waldenbeck," Helen greeted.

"Don't tell me," Bo said before the boys could start. "They've been fighting again." He turned towards Lukas. "Honestly, kid, I don't understand your relationship with this boy. You hate him and then you get drunk together and you spend all day together. What's going on now?"

Lukas was shaking slightly, looking around the room at everything but his father. His gaze fell upon Philip, standing next to him and smiling in encouragement. Lukas gave him a small nod and sighed.

"I was with Philip at the cabin the night those men were killed." He looked at his father. And suddenly, it was like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Lukas felt an urge to cry, the tension and fear of the last few weeks finally taking a toll on him, but he clenched his fists and held his ground.

Bo frowned, confusion written all over his face.

"What do you mean—"

"Sir, your son came to me today claiming to have witnessed the murders that took place in your cabin last month," Helen stepped in. "He's already given his statement and we'll soon find the culprit. I thought it would be best if he told you himself," she explained in the softest voice possible.

Bo turned to his son, who had been holding his breath throughout the whole explanation.

"Are you okay?" Bo asked, walking towards him and resting his hands in Lukas' arms.

"Yeah," Lukas answered, nodding.

"Why didn't you say something before?"

"I was scared I was going to get in trouble," Lukas admitted with a knot in his throat. 

Bo put his arms around his son and enveloped him in a tight hug. Lukas hugged back, revering in the feeling and wondering when he would get a hug from his father again. Because even though he had already told him about the murders, there was still half of the story left.

"What were you and this kid even doing at the cabin?" Bo asked, stepping back.

Lukas looked at his father, trying to gain the courage to tell him. Dread spread through his chest, clenching his throat and paralysing him.

Philip waited for Lukas' answer. One part of him wanted to interrupt and save Lukas, because he looked nowhere near ready to come out. Other part wanted to gather his boyfriend in his arms and ease the pain away. He stood in place, knowing Lukas wouldn't appreciate either of those actions.

"I like boys." Lukas closed his eyes to avoid looking at his father. "And I like Philip. Like more than a friend. We were—" _making out_? No, he couldn't confess that to his father. "We're together. And I don’t care if you think he’s not a good influence, because he makes me happy and I’m not going to stop seeing him," he said finally, not daring to open his eyes and see the reaction.

"That's why you were so scared to tell me?" 

Lukas nodded.

Suddenly, a big, calloused hand touched Lukas’ cheek. His eyes shot open. Bo was right in front of him, looking at him with regret.

"I'm sorry," Bo said. "That you felt like you couldn't tell me." The man's eyes were glistening with tears. "But you have to know, that I'm never going to not love you. No matter what."

Lukas' body fell limp on his father, tears finally coming down his face. He felt so relieved and overwhelmed by Bo's acceptance. His legs shook under him, threatening to let him fall, and Lukas hold on tightly to his father. Bo drew circles in Lukas' back in a reassuring manner.

"Your mother would be proud of you," Bo muttered against his son's hair, and Lukas let out a sob.

Philip smiled at the picture, happy for his boyfriend. Helen approached him and put her arm around his shoulders.

When Lukas' tears had subsided and his grip on Bo had softened, they parted. Lukas dried his eyes with his sleeve while Bo turned, eyes zeroing in on Philip. The boy froze.

"You." He pointed at Philip, voice cold and menacing. "Are you responsible for my son keeping this quiet?"

Philip made himself smaller against Helen's side, eyes open and scared. He tried to find his voice, but the only thing that came out of his mouth was a moan. Luckily, Lukas came to the rescue.

"No, dad, l—" He started, lowering his father's arm. "Philip wanted us to tell. I was the one who asked him not to." His voice was honest and regretful. Lukas looked at Philip apologetically. "I'm sorry for that, by the way," he said, as if he hadn't apologised enough in the last hour.

Philip smiled reassuringly and looked back at Bo, whose menacing stare had changed to an interested glance.

"I'm gonna need some time to process this," he muttered, shaking his head.

"Of course," Lukas agreed. Honestly, his father needing time to get used to the idea was far better than all the other outcomes he had made up in his head.

Silence fell over them. Philip took the opportunity to stare at Lukas. A small smile played on the blond boy's lips as he looked at his father. He was calm and relaxed, like Philip had never seen before, and he looked so beautiful Philip was unable to tear his eyes off him.

He felt a pair of eyes set upon him, and Philip turned around to see Bo examining him again. He straightened his back and stood unmoving under the man's stare, breath caught in his throat, until Bo begrudgingly smiled at him.

"Are you taking care of my boy?"

"Dad—" Lukas pleaded, embarrassed.

"The best I can, sir," Philip answered honestly.

Bo nodded. Suddenly he frowned, turning towards his son, and tilted his head.

"That money you needed then, for Rose's abortion?" Bo asked confusedly.

Philip looked at Lukas with a hurt expression.

"What? You said—"

"And I meant it," Lukas insisted, looking straight at Philip. He turned to his father. "The money wasn't for Rose, it was—"

He stopped. He had done a lot of coming out that day, but he wasn't about to confess to buying hundred-dollar mints from a dealer. Not a chance.

"—For Philip. I, um. I bought him a camera. As a gift. I thought, you know, it would make up for all I was putting him through."

Philip stared at Lukas with an odd expression in his face, but followed along with the lie.

"I, I can give it back, if you want," Philip offered to Bo nervously. "You can return it, get your money back."

"No need. You keep it, son. You shouldn't suffer for my son's idiocy."

"Thank you, sir," Philip said gratefully.

A smile appeared on Lukas' face. Despite being called an idiot, he felt better than he thought possible. To think a few hours ago he had been holding a gun, thinking of killing himself... Well, he had never expected to find himself in the kitchen, listening to his father and boyfriend joke around.

"Maybe we should go," Helen suggested, looking at Philip. "Let them talk it all out."

Philip nodded. "Okay. It was a pleasure, Mr Waldenbeck," he said, always polite.

"It's Bo, kid."

Philip smiled at Bo, then looked at Lukas and raised his eyebrows. Lukas laughed. With that, Helen and Philip left the kitchen.

Lukas raised a finger at his father in a universal sign of _one second_ and rushed after them. He caught up with them outside, where Gabe waited in the car. Lukas called out his boyfriend's name, who turned and walked back to the front door.

"Hey, what's up?" Philip asked with worry.

"Just… Thank you. Heaven knows I couldn't have done it without you." Lukas kissed Philip then, uncaring about Helen and Gabe, and possibly Bo, seeing them.

"You would have, eventually," Philip affirmed. "Maybe not yet, but someday… You're stronger than you think."

They smiled at each other, faces close together and bodies touching.

"I'll call you later tonight, okay?" Lukas said.

"Can't wait."

Philip walked back to the car and Lukas watched as they drove away. He looked back at the house, sighed, and walked in, ready to talk to his father like he never thought he would.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lukas has told Bo, now it's time to talk to someone else. Someone he should have talked to a long time ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second chapter is done! There's going to be one more coming, which will probably be the end. Thank you so much for your support in the last one and enjoy!

Lukas showed up at Philip's door the morning after.

Philip was watching the footage of Lukas he had recorded on their latest shooting session when he felt two arms circle around him from behind. A pair of lips caressed the back of his neck softly. He jumped a little, turning around in surprise, and was instantly calmed down by the sight of his boyfriend smiling.

"Hey."

"Hey. How did you get in here?" Philip asked, smiling back.

"Gabe let me in," Lukas answered.

He kissed Philip on the lips, pressing slightly and smiling when a soft moan escaped the other boy's lips. Their foreheads bumped together and they took a moment to breathe each other in, eyes closed and heartbeats in sync. Suddenly the screen behind Philip caught Lukas' attention.

"What are you doing?"

"Oh. Nothing, it's just—" But it was too late. Lukas had pushed Philip aside and clicked play. The sound of Lukas' carefree laugh came from the computer's speakers and filled the room. Philip lowered his head in shame, but soon realised Lukas was not paying attention to him. His gaze was firmly set on the screen.

Philip had watched that clip a thousand times already, so he stared at Lukas instead. The blonde smiled as their giggly past selves pushed each other playfully. His eyes crinkled, and then he blushed bright red. Philip had seen the video enough times to know that past-Lukas was staring at past-Philip with heart eyes by then. It was such a small gesture, a look of adoration, but it had meant so much to him when he had first seen it. Philip knew for sure that, if Lukas were to turn around and look at him now, Philip would probably have the same expression as the Lukas from the video.

"Dude, you have to give me a copy of this."

"I'll send it to you," Philip promised, hooking his arms around Lukas' waist and resting his head between his shoulder blades. He sighed.

It was a cute video, and it showed Philip and Lukas like nobody had seen them before—close and unafraid, full of inner jokes and quite tactile. There were no kisses recorded, though. Lukas had been too afraid to let Philip kiss him in front of the camera, in case somebody found the footage. Philip argued that, if anyone did find it, they could easily guess their relationship based on the way they smiled at each other. But it made Lukas feel better, and Philip was not going to argue about that.

The video came to a close, and Lukas wiggled in Philip's embrace, forcing him to loosen his grip and allowing Lukas to turn around. He circled his arms around Philip's neck and kissed him deeply.

Their mouths opened, tongues moving in sync, familiar and welcoming. Lukas pushed Philip towards the bed, keeping their lips together until the back of Philip's legs collided against the mattress. They fell on top of the bed in a tangled of limbs, Lukas on top of Philip, hands roaming each other’s bodies.

Lukas pushed his waist downwards, making them both moan. It was getting heated, and a voice in the back of Philip's mind reminded him Gabe was still in the house. 

He turned his head, breaking the kiss, and Lukas' lips latched onto his neck. Philip moaned again, momentarily forgetting what he was about to say. Once he came back to his senses, he pushed Lukas' shoulders.

"Wait. Stop, stop," he urged, breathless.

"What?" Lukas asked, looking at him with dilated pupils. 

"We should cool down," Philip suggested, avoiding the sight of Lukas' red and swollen lips.

"Why?" His voice sounded disappointed, and Philip gathered all the control he could muster not to kiss him again.

"Gabe's here." Lukas deflated and fell next to Philip on the bed. "And we need to talk about things."

"Okay," he agreed grumpily, putting his arms around Philip and cuddling him. "What do you want to talk about?"

"How are things with your father?"

Lukas grimaced. "Alright, mood killer." He smiled. "It's... Good, I guess. He's trying." Lukas bit his lip. "He keeps asking questions about sexuality and stuff."

"That's good," Philip encouraged him. "It means he cares."

"I know. But, sometimes I don't even know the answers myself."

"You don't have to know all the answers. You are still figuring it out. Just give it time."

They quieted down, pensive. After a minute, Lukas started talking again, voice so low Philip barely heard him.

"He asked me what I'm going to do about Rose."

Philip stiffened. Lukas' girlfriend was a sore spot for him. He might have come out to their families, but nobody else in Tivoli knew, not even Lukas' girlfriend.

"Is that another one of your questions with no answer?"

"No," Lukas answered decidedly. "I know exactly what to do about that."

"You can't keep messing me around," Philip announced dejectedly. He ignored Lukas' scandalised ' _what?_ ' and continued, "I get that you don't want to come out at school, I do, but you shouldn't be leading her on."

"I'm not!" Lukas raised his voice. "Philip, I'm breaking up with her. On Monday."

Well, that was a shock. He hadn't expected Lukas to do the right thing so soon. He had come out so hurriedly to a lot of people, so Philip had expected him to take a break and clear his head before doing something drastic.

"What are you going to tell her?" He asked.

"I'm not sure yet," Lukas answered, shuffling closer to Philip and placing a kiss in his hair. "I'll figure it out when I'm there."

They laid back down, Philip hiding his face in the crook of Lukas' neck. Lukas caressed Philip's hair, soft locks slipping through his fingers, and he wondered if he would ever feel less afraid.

* * *

They spent the day together. Gabe and Helen called them to lunch sometime later, and Lukas was shy and guarded and kept sending Philip little glances that were not missed by the married couple. If Philip hooked his foot around Lukas' ankle and left it there for the entire meal, well, that was just for them to know.

In the evening, they went out riding in Lukas' bike. Philip took a few good shots of his jumps, which caused for Lukas pushing him against a tree and kissing him senseless. They kissed again when Lukas dropped him off before dinner.

Philip woke up Monday morning feeling rested and peaceful like he hadn't in weeks. His phone pinged from an incoming message, and he unlocked it to find a good morning text from Lukas. He smiled against his pillow, blushing, and realised Lukas' scent was all over his sheets, leftover from their tumbling the morning before. He forced himself out of bed, knowing that if he stayed one minute longer, he would be late for class.

As an unspoken agreement, Philip and Lukas didn't talk all day. Lukas stole glances at Philip's lonely figure in the cafeteria, hoping he could walk over and save him from his loneliness. He stayed sat next to Rose instead, chewing quietly while his mind screamed at him. Rose tried to involve him in the conversation, but Lukas was too preoccupied to answer in nothing more than monosyllables.

School finally let out after what seemed like the longest day ever, and Philip walked out to find Helen's sheriff car outside. She signalled him to get closer. Philip looked around and spotted Lukas whispering softly in Rose's ear.

The couple walked towards his bike, saying goodbye to their friends along the way. Lukas looked back, eyes catching Philip's, and despite their best efforts to avoid each other in public, Lukas smiled tensely at him. Philip fished his phone out and opened up a text.

**To: Lukas**  
_Call me when you're done._

He clicked sent, and instantly Lukas retrieved his phone from his pocket. He looked at the screen for a second before looking back up at Philip and nodding his head slightly. Satisfied with the response, Philip turned and walked up to Helen.

"Hey. Everything alright?" She asked, eyes drifting between her foster son and his boyfriend.

"Yeah," Philip answered. He heard the roaring of Lukas' bike, but didn't turn around. He climbed into Helen's car instead and fastened his seatbelt.

"Did you and Lukas fight?" She wondered, worried.

"Oh, no." Philip shook his head, making a dismissive gesture with his hand. "He has something to do today. It's nothing."

Helen pulled away from Red Hook High School. 

"Do you want me to drive you anywhere?"

"Just home. I have a lot of homework to do." It was true. With all the tension and excitement of the last few weeks, he had barely remembered his schoolwork. Now that things had settled down and the future seemed calmer, it was time to concentrate on his studies.

He was home alone, both Helen and Gabe being at work. He studied and re-watched Lukas' stunt video, but he was unable to concentrate. His phone hadn't pinged all evening, not a notification coming in. He checked every five minutes anyway, worried about how Lukas was dealing.

A roaring engine approached the house, one Philip would recognise anywhere. He jumped out of bed and rushed to the front door in time to see Lukas taking off his helmet. He gave Philip a cheeky smile.

"How did it go?" Philip asked.

"Wow, not even a ' _hello_ ', maybe offer some kind of beverage?" Lukas asked back with a grin, and Philip knew it was all okay. He smiled at his boyfriend.

"Come on in, and tell me how it went."

They settled on Philip's couch, feet tangled together and sides touching. Lukas took Philip's hand and laid it against his leg, palm upwards so he could draw invisible lines on it with his finger.

"So," Philip tried to sound nonchalant, even though he was dying to know what happened. "Did you do it?"

Lukas, the conniving bastard, smiled at him.

"Do what?"

Philip wanted to shake him. He punched his arm instead.

Lukas laughed, rubbing his arm, and laid back into Philip. He burrowed his face against his boyfriend's neck and breathed in.

"I broke up with her."

Philip put her arms around Lukas and drew him tightly against his chest. "How did she take it?"

"She was sad," Lukas said. "She cried a little. I didn't know what to do. And then she asked if there was someone else," he finished dejectedly.

"Oh, Lukas."

"I didn't want to lie to her again. So I said yes, and then she got really angry. She screamed at me and I couldn't really say anything, because she was right." He looked at Philip with a grimace, and whispered the next part hurriedly, "So I told her it was you."

"Lukas!" Philip screamed, opening his eyes wide.

"I don't know!" Lukas was freaking out. "She was upset, and she was walking away, and I just blurted it out. It's Rose—I've been dating her for a long time, and we were good friends before that. I didn't want to end it like that."

"What did she say?"

"She was confused. But she came back, and we talked a little. About you, about me liking boys. She was still upset, but less angry." Philip rubbed Lukas' arm in a shooting manner. "I think, if it hadn't been for the lying and the cheating and all that, she would have been okay with it."

"I'm glad," Philip commented honestly. "Maybe with time she'll come around."

"Maybe. It's just—it's hard to see how many people I’ve hurt." He looked at Philip intently. "I'm sorry, you know."

"Well, it's not like you've mentioned it before," Philip responded mockingly. Lukas chuckled, his eyes brighter than moments before.

"Hey, I’ve meant it every time." He cupped Philip's neck with his hand. "She gave me a lecture, you know. About leading people on and playing with their feelings. She sounded a lot like you, actually."

"Maybe you have a type," Philip joked, and Lukas kissed him tenderly. Their foreheads touched and they leaned against each other, content.

"You two would have gotten along, I think. If I hadn't messed it up," Lukas said.

The house was quiet for a while. They could hear the birds outside, the wind against the windows and each other's breathing, soft and in sync.

"She's not gonna tell anyone, right?" Philip asked.

"No," Lukas assured. "But maybe I should. I've already told everyone that matters anyway."

"Don't rush yourself," Philip advised. "You don't have to do it right away. Give it some time to sink in." He circled his arms around Lukas' middle and kissed his chin.

The sound of an approaching car woke them from their daze. Philip made a motion to move away from Lukas, but he gripped his sweatshirt and kept him in place. Philip smiled. They were looking at each other when Helen and Gabe came in, shopping bags in hand.

"A little help, boys?" Gabe asked.

They got up and walked outside to the car to pick up the leftover bags. They headed to the kitchen where Helen and Gabe were putting away their shopping.

It was oddly domestic, Philip thought as Lukas helped them empty the bags. Helen turned around and looked at the blonde.

"Are you staying for dinner, Lukas?"

"Oh, no, thank you. I better go home, actually," he said, picking up his bag from the entrance. "I have to tell my father the news."

"What news?" Gabe asked.

"I broke up with Rose today," he answered as if it wasn’t a big deal. Helen and Gabe shared a glance, and Gabe squeezed Philip's shoulder.

Philip approached him at the door and kissed him goodbye. It was meant to be a short one, but Lukas drew him in and deepened the kiss with intent. By the time they broke apart they were breathless.

"I'm all yours now," Lukas whispered in his ear, careful that the adults in the next room wouldn't hear.

He walked out, and Philip touched his lips, feeling them swollen and bruised. A smiled bloomed on his face.

It was a new beginning for both of them.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter! I hope you all enjoyed this little series, and thank you to everyone who took their time to read, kudo or comment on it. You guys make my day!
> 
> Enjoy!

Philip was getting his books out of his locker when a voice next to his ear startled him.

"Hey."

He jumped, holding onto his notebook tightly, and turned around to see his boyfriend smiling sheepishly at him.

"Hey," he greeted back once he had recovered. "What are you doing here?"

With here, he meant next to him. A few days had gone by since Lukas had told Rose about them. They had been afraid she would tell the school, despite her having promised Lukas she wouldn't, so they had kept their distance as always. Philip had watched Lukas from the distance, noticing the awkwardness that had taken over Rose and Lukas' table after they had revealed their breakup.

Rose had kept her word though, so Lukas had visibly calmed down. Enough to walk up to Philip before class, it seemed.

"I just wanted to say hi before class, that's all. How are you doing?" Lukas asked.

"You mean since you texted me this morning?" Philip joked.

"Ha, ha," Lukas laughed sarcastically, but he was smiling. "I actually wanted to ask, has Rose approached you today?"

Philip frowned.

"No, why?"

"I don't know. She keeps looking at you. I think she's planning something," Lukas said, lowering his voice.

"I'm sure it's nothing," Philip reassured him. "You have to stop freaking out. She's not going to tell, Lukas."

"I know, I know," he replied, leaning his body against the locker next to Philip's. His head bumped against the metal as he sighed. "Maybe she should."

"What?" Philip asked, shocked.

"It's just… It's making me anxious, all this waiting for someone to find out. Maybe I should just tell."

"If that's what you want…" Philip said, supporting as ever. "I told you, there's no rush. You can do whatever you want, to hell with them."

"It's not even about them." Lukas run his fingers through his hair in exasperation. "I look at you across the room, but I can't come closer," he explained, ignoring the fact that it was exactly what he had done. "I see you, all alone, and you look so good—"

Philip blushed. Lukas was not one for big compliments, and Philip took it in like a man dying of thirst. He was also not one for big speeches, so he let him go on instead of paying one back. 

"You look really good right now, and it makes me want to kiss you, and I can't. I can't kiss you, and I can't hold your hand or even sit next to you at lunch, and it kills me."

Lukas looked at Philip in desperation, hoping the other boy could understand. Philip looked back with sadness in his eyes, suffering for the blonde.

He was about to say something when the bell rang, startling them both. They looked up, seeing their conversation interrupted, and Philip sighed.

"I'll see you after class, okay?" Lukas asked softly.

Philip nodded and watched him walk away before closing his locker and heading in the opposite direction.

* * *

Philip was alone at lunch. Again.

Since they had started to get close, what seemed like months ago, Lukas had been acutely aware of Philip's presence in the room at all times. It was especially noticeable at lunch, when Lukas' friends were having loud conversations around him and ignoring Lukas' eyes drifting through the room.

Philip was scanning the cafeteria for a place to sit, tray in his hands. His eyes met Lukas' briefly. He gave him a small nod in acknowledgement before continuing his search. Finally he seemed to find an empty table in a corner and headed that way.

Lukas sensed a pair of eyes on him and turned to find Rose staring directly at him. He looked around in alarm, checking nobody else had caught him staring at his boyfriend, and lowered his eyes to his food. Rose snorted.

"Don't worry, nobody saw you," she informed, voice slightly mocking. "But maybe try to be a little less obvious next time."

Lukas went beet red.

"I don't get it. What's so good about him anyway? I thought he was just your little stalker," Rose asked with a whisper so the rest of the table wouldn't hear.

"He wasn't. I, erm, I made that up," Lukas answered, biting his lip.

"Oh," Rose exhaled, realisation downing on her face. She shook her head. "Right."

They fell silent. Lukas didn't know if he should feel glad Rose was talking to him again, of scared that she was asking questions about his boyfriend.

"Well, you messed that up, didn't you?" She stated the obvious. "How are you gonna fix it?"

Lukas turned towards her, confused. "Fix it?"

"Well, you're not gonna just let people treat him like they have been, right? This was _your fault_."

Lukas was frozen in place, processing what Rose was saying. Did she want him to come out? Right there? Or was she saying—

"Philip!" Rose bellowed. Half the cafeteria turned at her voice, including the boy in question. His eyes were wide, body rigid next to the table he was about to sit in.

Their friends at the table also wore confused looks. Mike muttered something that sounded like "what the hell, Rose", while Olivia and a few others looked at the girl as if she had grown two heads. Lukas as petrified, pure horror painted on his features.

' _This is it_ ,' he thought while Rose made a beckoning sign at Philip, ' _this is how I get outed_ '.

Philip approached carefully, eyes darting between Rose and Lukas. He stopped a few feet from the table, keeping a safe distant.

"I know Lukas has apologised already," Rose explained, voice friendly and open, "but I wanted to say I'm sorry, for how we've treated you." 

Philip's eyes shot up, his mouth opening and closing a few times before he found his voice.

"It's okay. Don't worry."

Rose elbowed Lukas lightly. Finally understanding her intentions and sensing his opportunity for redemption, Lukas sent Rose a mental thank you.

"Yeah, I'm sorry too," he said to Philip again.

The brunet's face softened. "Forget about it."

"Do you want to sit with us?" Rose asked, sounding more like an order than a question. She pulled at Lukas' shirt so he would clear a space for him.

Philip hesitated, looking at Lukas for permission. Lukas scooted closer to Rose in an open invitation to sit next to him. Philip sighed in relief before taking his seat.

"So, Philip," Rose started. "How are you finding Tivoli?"

Philip, still bewildered about the previous exchange, took a few seconds to respond.

"It's nice. Things are so much quieter here—especially at night. And I still can't get over the fact that everyone knows everyone."

"I guess a small town like this is a big step-down from the city," Rose commented.

"Nah, it's not bad. Just different."

Lukas, sandwiched between his ex-girlfriend and his current boyfriend, followed the conversation looking side to side like a ping pong match. He suddenly felt Philip's hand lightly touching his leg, attempting to soothe him, and Lukas jumped in surprise. The hand immediately retracted. The blonde cursed himself internally. He stretched his hand towards Philip's, taking it and putting it back where it was before covering it with his own. Philip smiled.

Lila asked something about a show she saw the night before, starting an animated conversation around the table. Nobody was looking at Lukas or Philip, nobody cared he was there. It felt sort of secure, knowing he could hold his boyfriend's hand under the table without fear. Maybe one day, Lukas would even be able to do it above the table, in everyone's sight.

* * *

After that incident Rose made a point of shouting at Philip across the cafeteria at every lunch. She would invite him to sit with them, Lukas would open a place next to him and the table would continue with their conversation as always. On the third day, Mike rolled his eyes and suggested Philip sat with them from then on, " _otherwise she'll just yell at you every day until you do_ ".

So he sat there, day after day, always next to Lukas, and got to know his friends. He found that they were loud and obnoxious, that they could make him laugh until his sides hurt and that they cared about each other with deep passion. If he was in the city, Philip would have never spared a second glance at them. But this was Tivoli, not NYC.

Somewhere along the way, Philip started considering it his table. His people. His friends. Not just Lukas', _his_.

Since he was part of the group, there was no reason why Lukas couldn't be seen with him in public. Philip noticed the change in Lukas. The blonde sought him out between classes, drove him home after school and was not so secretive about who was the one who filmed his jumps.

They were walking towards the bike one day, helmets on their hands while they pushed each other playfully when Rosa stepped in front of them. She was smiling mischievously, which put both boys on edge.

"Philip," she started. "Would you walk me home today?"

Lukas opened his mouth to tell her he would be driving Philip home when said boy laid his hand in the blonde's shoulder.

"Is there something wrong?"

"I thought we should have a chat," she said, then looked at her ex-boyfriend. "In private."

Philip frowned but eventually agreed. He turned around to look at Lukas, who wore an uneasy expression.

"Call me when you're done, okay? I'll pick you up."

Philip nodded, and after giving his hand a squeeze—looking over his shoulder at any possible witnesses—Lukas put on his helmet and sped off.

Philip smiled at Rose uncomfortably. She pointed the way home with a nod of her head and they started walking side to side. They passed the first two blocks in complete silence, not knowing what to say or where to start.

"I-I wanted to thank you. For, you know, inviting me over the other day," Philip said in the most awkward way possible.

"It was nothing. You know, I was really mad at Lukas at first, but I've decided to let go of the anger and pettiness and be a good samaritan." She offered Philip a toothy grin.

"Oh, really?" Philip countered with a sarcastic tone. "Because you made Lukas squirm a little with that."

"Well, maybe there was payback involved too." She rolled her eyes.

They laughed softly, both remembering Lukas' panicked face when Rose had called Philip over. When she talked next, Rose's voice had gone deeper, passionate and firm.

"I might still be mad at Lukas, but that doesn't mean I dont want him to be happy." She stopped walking, forcing Philip to halt. Rose looked up until their eyes locked. "Don't break his heart."

Philip wanted to say something, explain how he could never do that, but he sensed Rose wasn't done talking. He waited patiently for her to continue.

"I know he makes mistakes, but his intentions are always good. He is more vulnerable than he lets on. He's guarded, and it's not easy to get to know him, really know him, but somehow he's trusting you with his secrets. So don't let him down."

Philip didn't even realise he was shaking his head until she stopped talking. He gulped, looking at the uncontrollable force that was the girl in front of him. He had never known her to be so protective of her friends, but to be honest, he had never gotten to know her very well.

He liked her.

"I won't."

"Good. Because if you do, there's gonna be hell to pay."

With that she continued walking, without waiting for Philip to follow. He hurried behind her. 

He caught up to her and watched her with newfound respect.

"Nice speech."

"I know, right?" She beamed at him. "I've been practicing all week." Philip was struck by the sudden change in her demeanour, tripping on his feet and almost falling face first to the sidewalk. "Lukas doesn't have any brothers, and none of our friends know yet, so I thought it was my duty to give you the warning," she explained.

"You did well," Philip encouraged her. "Nowhere near as scary as Bo's, though."

Which was true. Lukas' father had been too shocked when he had first come out to say much to Philip, so he thought he was off the hook. He wasn't. Bo had waited a few days before pouncing on Philip.

It had happened one day when Lukas had invited him over to watch a movie. The blonde had left their cocoon on the couch to refill the popcorn bowl when Bo appeared and sat in the armchair next to Philip. He then proceeded to issue a series of threats that had Philip gripping the armrest tight, knuckles white. Once he had finished his warnings, he had offered a hand to the brunet, who shook it weakly, and disappeared through the door. That was, of course, the moment Lukas came back. He sat down next to his boyfriend, so close he was practically on his lap, and noticed Philip was shaking.

He spent the rest of the movie trembling, unable to concentrate on the screen, no matter how many hugs or kisses on the neck Lukas gave him. He was still distracted when they had said goodbye, looking over his shoulder before kissing him lightly on the lips and darting off on his bike.

Looking back, it was endearing how much Bo cared about his son.

"Bo knows?" Rose asked, bringing Philip back from his memories.

"Yeah, Lukas didn't tell you?" Philip confirmed. "He came out to him before you."

"Is he okay with it?" Rose wondered, voice filled with worry.

"He seems fine with it. They've been talking a lot lately. He's okay with us, too. Or at least I think he is. It's hard to tell with Bo," Philip explained.

"He was always so worried about disappointing his father." 

"They're getting closer than before, actually."

"So Lukas coming out mended their relationship. Go figure," she muttered sarcastically, rolling her eyes. Philip let out a laugh.

They reached Rose's house. She turned to Philip and smiled.

"You should call Lukas. I'm sure he's going out of his mind trying to figure out if I've murder you yet," Rose pointed out.

Philip retrieved his phone and checked for new messages.

"I'm surprised he hasn't called already," Philip confessed.

Silence fell over them while Rose fished her keys out of her bag.

"This was a nice talk," she said. "Very… enlightening."

Philip smiled at her and watched as she got into her house. Then he opened a text and sent a 'done' to Lukas.

The blonde showed up at Rose's driveway in less than five minutes, making Philip think that he had been driving around the neighbourhood waiting for him.

"What did she want?" He asked immediately in panic.

"Its fine," Philip reassured him. "We just talked about you for a while. Everything is great."

Lukas sighed, offering the helmet to Philip. He got on the bike and held on to Lukas as they sped off. Philip knew there was an interrogation coming his way.

* * *

Philip and Rose got closer after that. It's like they had found some common ground and built a tentative friendship here. They got on like a house on fire, which both relieved and terrified Lukas. Their friends could see it too, and they commented on it at lunch, jokingly warning Lukas about how his new friend was going to steal his ex.

Philip shut them up by telling them he was gay. Lukas barely flinched—Philip had left it very clear he didn't want to go back to the closet. He was okay with Lukas not telling them yet but refused to lie about himself.

Lukas decided to use it as a test trial. He could examine his friend's response to Philip's coming out, see if they were fine with it before his own confession.

Most of their friends wore similar shocked expressions, which they quickly recovered from before resuming the conversation. Nobody commented on it. Lukas felt the tension ease from his shoulders, and he felt Philip's hand give his a squeeze for a short second. He turned back to look at Rose, who simply winked at him and looked away.

That was the moment he made the decision to come out in school. Most people in his personal life already knew and supported him, and the rest didn't seem openly homophobic. He knew there was still a chance some of the people sat with him at the moment would turn his back on him, but he was willing to risk it. He was tired of hiding, and lately the impulse to kiss Philip in the middle of the corridor between classes had spiked so much he found himself clenching his fists and looking away in frustration. It had to end.

He still needed to talk to Philip. Even though the decision was his to make, Lukas needed Philip's support through the ordeal. And he couldn't just kiss him in public without giving him a little warning first.

After school, they drove to the lake and had a long and hard talk about the possibilities. They decided to make it simple—they would just start acting like a couple, and if anybody asked, they would answer honestly.

Next day Lukas picked Philip up and drove him to school. He feigned confidence when in reality he felt like his insides were made of putty.

Philip asked, for the hundredth time, if he was sure, to which Lukas responded with an exasperated look. He took Philip's hand and locked their fingers together, pulling his now official boyfriend towards the school entrance.

They were by the gates when Philip checked again. "You can still let go of my hand."

Lukas kissed him, catching the attention of a few people around them.

"Too late." 

They walked to the locker, where Rose was waiting for them. She smiled when she noticed their joined hands.

"Oh, so you're doing this then."

"Yeah."

"He's freaking out," Philip supplied.

"I'm not-! I'm not freaking out," Lukas lowered his voice, gripping Philip's hand tighter.

"Honey, you're freaking out," Rose said, making Lukas groan in exasperation. 

He let go of Philip's hand and opened his locker. Rose approached the brunet and wrapped his arm with her own, resting her head in his shoulder.

"I'm happy for you guys," she said honestly. "Also, if you need help kicking someone's ass, count me in. Nobody wants to kick a girl back." She smiled menacingly, and both boys laughed.

"We will," Philip promised as Rose straightened back up.

"Great. I'll see you two at lunch." And with that, she was gone.

Philip looked back at Lukas, eyebrows up and an amused smile on his face. Lukas laughed again, shaking his head. He closed the door of his locker and took Philip's hand again. As if on cue, the bell rang. They walked to class together, making heads turn at their wake.

* * *

By lunchtime the tension had grown so thick it could be cut with a knife. They took their trays and approached their usual table with apprehension. Everyone was already sat there, and a few heads rose when they got close. Rose turned around and smiled warmly at them, patting the seat next to her.

Lukas and Philip sat down in silence, making no move towards their food. Lukas looked up and scanned the table. Some people were looking at them with interest, others were talking amongst themselves, not paying attention to him. Lukas thought that maybe he ought to make some sort of announcement. Before he could say anything, Mike, always the spokesperson of the group, looked up and cleared this throat.

"You," he said, pointing at Philip with his fork. Philip tensed. "Rose gave you the talk?"

Philip nodded.

"Good. She talks for all of us. Don't forget that," Mike continued, voice as low and threatening as possible. Philip gulped.

"And you." He turned his fork to Lukas. "Stop freaking out, dude. You're fine. You should have told us earlier."

Lukas froze, head all over the place as he tried to process what had just been said. They were okay with him being gay. They were okay with Philip and him. Philip's hand sneaked under the table and grasped his knee.

"Also, we like Philip. Don't fuck this up," Linda warned him next to Mike.

"Wasn't planning to," Lukas muttered, tired of everyone assuming he would be the one to destroy their relationship. Although to be fair, he had usually been the one to put it at risk before.

Just like that, the silence broke and everyone went back to their previous conversations. Philip looked at Lukas with a smirk.

"You've heard," he said. "You better take care of me now."

Lukas tried to hide his nervousness by letting out a shaky smile.

"I can work with that."

The adrenaline was starting to seep out of his body, leaving him unusually tired. He leaned against Philip's body, just because he could now, and picked up his fork. He suddenly felt very hungry.

* * *

Philip was waiting outside when the last bell rang, standing next to the entrance and playing on his phone. Lukas said goodbye to Rose and approached him from behind, resting his hands on the brunet's hips and making him jump. He smiled as soon as he saw Lukas, putting his phone away in his pocket.

"Hey, how was the rest of the day?" He asked, putting his hands in Lukas' arms.

"Alright," Lukas answered. "A couple of freshmen came to me and asked me if I was gay. That was weird."

"Yeah, me too. People don't know when to shut up."

They smiled at each other. Lukas raised his hand and caressed Philip's hair slowly. There were still people around, waiting for the bus and saying goodbye to each other. A few turned around and watch the scene curiously, but Lukas didn't seem to be worried. It was like the shame and uncomfortableness had all gone away that morning.

Lukas leaned in, so slowly Philip could have pushed him away. He didn't and their lips met firmly. The kiss was sweet and tender, nothing more than an innocent sign of affection. After all, they were still in school grounds. Philip wrapped his arms around Lukas' waist, the blonde's hands cupping his face. When they parted, their foreheads bumped together, tip of their noses touching still. Philip felt Lukas smile.

Philip thought of the father he had never known and the mother who was trying to get better for him. He thought of his foster parents, who were nice and understanding and very loving. He thought of Lukas, who was finally able to be himself, without having to hide a part of who he was. They could be together, proud and unapologetic. Kiss in public without having to drive miles away, talk and hold hands without worrying somebody will see.

"You're kissing me in front of people. Again."

"Maybe I'm not scared anymore."

Philip raised his eyebrows.

"Okay, I'm still scared. But not as much," Lukas admitted, combing the hair in Philip's nape with his fingers. "I've got you, don't I?"

"Of course you do." Philip said, and sealed his words with a kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me on Tumbr: [findanotherreasontosmile](http://findanotherreasontosmile.tumblr.com/)


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